Le Cheminement Spirituel
Who Am I
Many times seekers come with this Who am I?, making questions of this kind of practice, positioning, whatever you want to call it. That sometimes, over time it becomes mechanical. This is because this standpoint or practice has not been understood yet. You see, Who am I? it’s not about the question, it’s not about remembering, when you ask the question that you remember, that you are Wholeness, that you are Totality.
It’s not about this - it’s about FLOW of attention. Flow of attention. For those of you, who have been long communing with your Inner Selves and observing your inner world, for those of you who have been trying to make Silence, meditating for example or abstracting, whatever, you will see that Silence lasts a little bit, then thoughts arise, sensations arise, emotions arise and the flow of attention that was lying still, follows this, these things.
And this is how illusion begins and maintains with this, let’s call it for the sake of understanding, outward flow of attention, you see? What you call your life, this is just the grossest aspect of this inner thing, of this inner flow of attention towards these thoughts, emotions, sensations. When you say Who am I?, when you ask the question Who am I?, see, where attention moves. This is the most important. And you will see that it moves opposite, in the opposite direction - it moves innerly, to a point of Silence, to the Source, you see?
When you force Silence, attention stays at one place and then it is disturbed and moves outwardly. When you ask the question Who am I?, it moves into the opposite direction, to a point of Silence there, to the Presence. This is the Gold! This is what it is meant for, you see? So if this is just a mental question, so it finds emptiness, nothing is there.
If this is seen for what it really is, it means it’s going back to the Source and that it stays there, it stays there. As it is staying there, these thoughts, emotions, sensations will intensify, you see? And the fears that usually make you invest into these human activities, will start arising, arising. As you remain firm, firm at the Source, at this Silence, at this Presence and you don’t invest in these outwardly things— these fears, these pains, this sadness will arise intensely and if you maintain, then they will disappear, really.
Not that they disappear, because they had never existed, but because they will lose the power, that you were giving to them, the power of importance. And this is how you gain more Freedom from the Story, from this human Story. And with this Freedom you gain more Silence, this means the attention stays longer into this Presence, into this Silence. As it deviates from this, as it moves again outwardly, then the question can come again as a reminder and the attention will move automatically to that Silence and it will stay there and stay there, stay there, stay there.
When there is no more pulling, strong enough to take attention out of this Silence, then dissolution begins. So this asking the question Who am I? in the middle of ALL your human interests, investments, it’s pointless and bound to become mechanical. Because the essence of this hasn’t been reached. This has been adapted to a way of life, to a way to continue to pursue the same investments, you see? So this is why I tell you that there’s no use in pretending, no use in pretending.
So first you have to understand that these human investments, they are of no use to you. And it is simple, by means of understanding these higher purposes or by means of understanding life as it presents itself and if you look at life and relationships and works and these things, they are all for Happiness. They are all for Happiness. Not a happy moment, no, because if it was about happy moments, there won’t be any insatisfaction in you. Because life is full of misery but it’ full of happy moments also. So if it was about a happy moment, then you would be satisfied. But it’s not about happy moments, it’s not. It is about Bliss, it is about Truth, it is about Wholeness… and if life had this, if life endeavours had this, then you already had seen it. You would be contented. You would be full. But it doesn’t.
So, if you imagine, if you take this as it appears to be: “Oh! I won’t a relationship because I want to looove“ and this and that, and you don’t see that you want a relationship because you believe that from a relationship you’ll be happy… then it is difficult, if you don’t understand this. If you’d understand this, you will see that you are looking for Happiness through circumstances and not circumstances in itself, but the Happiness you believe will come through them. This will take you to the next question. Do circumstances have Happiness? And you will see the answer all around you. You will see people that seem happy in circumstances that bring you misery and you will see people miserable in circumstances that bring you happiness. So, one is right and the other is wrong is of no use as you can see that this is relative, not absolute. So surely this is…. You see?
And this is how all these investments start falling down, start falling down by a correct outlook. And this by itself solves nothing but it gives you more time and freedom and Silence to be there, in your Divine Presence, in the Source, in the Source. And as the Story, the world, creation start losing its power over you, this dissolution of these structures that assert individuality begins, you see?
So this Who am I? is coming back to the Source. And you’re coming back not to say “Hello!” and going away, you’re coming back to stay there in communion, stay there. And whatever is disturbing this, has to be put aside. It is about the flow of attention. Or it is moving towards these thoughts, sensations, emotions, to these phenomenons that appear in your space of Silence, or it is staying in the Source. In the beginning it seems that it is in the middle and it goes to one place or to the other. But then it will be seen that IT IS the Source or it moves away from it.
And these are just words for where you stand now. If this is not there, it is bound to become mechanical. And forget about this “Attention in the present moment”. It means in the Silence, not what it appears to happening in this present moment, this is confusion, this is illusion. Nothing changes to see: “Oh, there is an ant crawling, walking, catching the stone, my attention is in the present moment"... no, it isn’t.
It is far away from it, far away from it. When the attention rests in this Silence, in this Stillness, at the Source, this is Present moment, Endless Present moment. Going with the flow, observing what seems to be happening now, makes no difference; it has nothing to do with the what is supposed to be said of observing the Present moment. This comes back to Who am I?. As a shortcut to Silence, as a shortcut to letting go investments. But because well - “nothing exists, there’s nothing to be done”, so WHY are you in so many things? Because, if this was really an understanding it would be of absolutely no use. When you ask the question Who am I?, attention moves to that space of Silence, you see?
When you’re practicing meditation, when you’re abstracting of thoughts, this is where attention is going also, eventually. In the beginning a fight comes, you see? Because all these thoughts, sensations and emotions, they get ALL importance from you. So letting go of this, letting go of all these investments, is ruining the greatest Happiness, so you believe. And what is really compelling this, is the sadness that you have been carrying. So it has to get out, and by getting out, you have to experience it, to live it, so that these strings of importance are broken. You’ll become lighter and lighter and lighter, freeer, not the free from Freedom, but free from a Dream and you will have more time, more time to stay in that Communion, in your Presence. And the more you stay, the more structures dissolve and it is like this. Until absorption happens, or awaking, or whatever.
So your actions have to stand firm with the understanding: “there is nothing to be done” - then do nothing. Who am I is about the flow of attention. And anything that takes this flow of attention from the Source, has to be put aside, put aside. And this is just in the game, when your game is over, when you know who you are, none of this makes no sense. Flow of attention. It’s not about the answer, because the answer to the question is not from the same nature as the question itself, you see? It’s like asking: “what is the flavour of that ice cream for example?”
The answer to that question is from a different nature, because the answer from the same nature like “oh, it tastes like a strawberry, or a chocolate or whatever”, it doesn’t satisfy the question, only the taste of it would satisfy that question. And the taste and the question, they are different. And so it is the answer to this Who am I? It is a taste, it is a DIVE. You see? Stay at the Door, at the Door, at the Source, stay there! Let go of everything else. It doesn’t matter, how much suffering may arise, how much difficulties may arise, STAY at the Source.
And when you’ re shown that nothing else is important to you, ONLY – Truth, then that Door will open, the door will open. As long as you are asking, what is the Truth, Who am I? and still holding dear your investments or using this as a means to your investments, it will be nothing but only these intellectual vanities that are left. And this may be nice or fun but it doesn’t satisfy your quest. It may seem to satisfy for a time, when this is giving promises but in the long run you will come to see that a BIG hole has been growing inside of you, a BIG hole of emptiness, suffering from the lack of real Communion. So Who am I?, yes, it is a very beautiful practice and it is a shortcut to Silence, direct access to Presence, flow of attention, flow of attention – the world or the Source.
I or the rest? It is like this. Nothing mechanical about it, nothing dead about it. It is QUITE intense, VERY intense. You see? And as long as all these human investments are there strong, this will be very weak or unseen or completely twisted. This is the majority of the seekers that are in this Who am I? thing. It is twisted, so there is even no point in correcting this, because their motivations are out of place, their attitude is out of place. So there is none thereto be corrected even, you see? Direct access to Stillness, to Silence. this is the Who am I?: I, I, attention moves into this body of Silence. So yes, take up this Who am I?, forget about everything else. Ok.
~ Sriman Narayana
